ACT 1
SCENE 1
SUNRISE – DESERT
A blue starry sky, with orange glow at the horizon. A shamanic HERBALIST enters, sets up her road-side STALL, and shakes a tamburello.
#1 NIGHT FALL
HERBALIST
AH-AH-AH
HERBALIST (CONT'D)
NIGHT SKY
STARS ABOVE
CHORUS
NIGHT SKY
STARS ABOVE
HERBALIST
SHINE ALL DAY LONG
UNSEEN, BECAUSE
THE SUN SHINES STRONGER.
HERBALIST (CONT'D)
LIKEWISE...
CHORUS
LIKEWISE...
Enter SPIRIT1
SPIRIT1
MYSTERIOUS BEINGS
BY YOUR SIDE
Enter SPIRIT2
SPIRIT2
ANGELS?
DEMONS?
SPIRIT GUIDES
HERBALIST
ARE BY YOUR MIND DENIED.
CHORUS
ARE BY YOUR MIND DENIED.
HERBALIST and SPIRITS stand back-to-back as a trio.
HERBALIST
SO INTO DREAMS WE SLIDE
CHORUS
SO INTO DREAMS WE SLIDE
Transition to...
SUNRISE - BEDROOM
ADAM, a 20-something college drop-out, lies asleep. At the foot of his bed, a STRANGE ROCK pulses with an inner glow.
As the glow intensifies, ADAM sits up, in a night terror, flailing, as if his bed is approaching a precipice.
ADAM
No! No! Aaarrrgh!
He throws himself like a rag-doll from the bed and lands heavily on the floor.
sound: Beep Beep His bedside clock-radio alarm.
ADAM reaches up to press the snooze button, and pulls bed covers down onto himself. With a groan, he lays his head on the floor.
SCENE 2
MORNING – DESERT
THERESA with a basket hangs laundry on a line
#2 DRY LAND
THERESA
GOOD MORNING DEATH VALLEY!
HOTTEST PLACE IN THE WESTERN WORLD
EMPTY DAYS AND HEAVY HAZE
BENEATH THE HIGH SIERRA SWIRL
She hangs a pair of DUNGAREE OVERALLS.
BETWEEN THE MOJAVE AND NEVADA
AND AN UNFORGIVING SKY
LET'S SAY IT'S NOT SO OFTEN
THAT ANYONE DROPS BY
THERESA hangs the last item.
YET THIS IS WHERE WE'VE MADE OUR HOME
BY THOSE CRATERS OVER THERE
BUILT A LITTLE BUSINESS
OUT OF LITERALLY THIN AIR
THERESA checks the DUNGAREES. They're already dry.
She folds the clothes into the basket.
WHERE THE MILKY WAY GALACTIC CENTRE
RISES OVERHEAD SO BRIGHT
IT'S ENOUGH TO CAST A SHADOW
IN THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT
She carries the BASKET indoors.
Transition to...
MORNING – BEDROOM
Enter THERESA with TEA and DUNGAREES on a tray.
THERESA
Morning, Adam! It’s another beautiful day. How did you sleep?
(sees him on the floor)
Oh.
ADAM
Urrrngh.
THERESA
More bad dreams? You poor thing. Here, I made you some more special tea for it.
ADAM
Thank you Aunt Theresa.
(sipping with a grimace)
Mmm. Delicious.
THERESA
And I fixed up a pair of your uncle’s old dungaree overalls for you. You can start in the shop today.
ADAM
The shop? Thank you. You’ve all been really kind, but ...
THERESA
Sorry dear. When your parents divorce, you drop out of college, and you have no friends or lovelife, I’m here for ya. But life and makin’-a-livin’ must go on. You need work experience. And we need fresh thinkin’.
Space-rocks aren’t exactly flying off the shelves these days.
ADAM
And you think my two course credits, in Marketing and Environmental Studies are somehow going to help?
THERESA
That’s the spirit! And those bad dreams. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something?
ADAM
About what?
THERESA sniffs the air.
THERESA
Just a feelin’.
Theresa notices the STRANGE ROCK.
THERESA
Where did this hunk come from?
ADAM
I dunno. I like it. It’s kind of ... funky.
THERESA
Funky? It stinks! I’ll take it back to the shop.
ADAM
Oh no, Aunt Theresa, I wouldn’t try to move it
THERESA
No trouble.
THERESA lifts the rock..
It seems to have a magnetic, gyroscopic life of its own.
sound: Weeeeoooo
The ROCK swings THERESA around, pulled by unseen forces, making swooping electrical noises.
THERESA (CONT'D)
Woo-hoo!
ADAM
I told you.
THERESA struggles toward the tray on the bedside table.
ADAM (CONT'D)
Be careful.
As she approaches, the ROCK affects the alarm clock radio, making it malfunction.
sound: Crackle crackle. ACTACTAaWEEeeeeoooo!
THERESA leaps back.
THERESA
Help!
ADAM is concerned now. He jumps up.
ADAM
Auntie!
THERESA trips on the rug, and totters backward.
Adam prepares to catch her, but every time he gets in place, the rock pulls in a different direction.
ADAM (CONT'D)
Whoa. Where are you going?
THERESA
Waaaaah!
ADAM
Aaaah!
THERESA is falling. ADAM throws himself beneath her on the floor. She lands on him.
ADAM (CONT'D)
Oof.
THERESA
How kind.
ADAM
(weakly)
No problem.
Are you OK?
THERESA
(brightly)
Fine. Fine. Thank you dear.
ADAM struggles to his feet.
And now you’re up!
Adam wrangles the STRANGE ROCK back to its original position.
ADAM
Best keep this thing away from anything electrical.
THERESA
I suppose it can stay there, for the time being.
But you, get movin'!
Theresa takes the TEA TRAY and exits.
Adam picks up the DUNGAREES, and sighs.
SCENE 3
DAY – DESERT
At the porch BREAKFAST TABLE, world-weary geologist ERNEST, and his young intern, GEORGIE, are attaching price labels to SPACE ROCKS.
They have buckets labelled “METEORITES” and “METEOR-WRONGS”, and a clipboard.
ERNEST
(examining ROCK)
Any ideas?
GEORGIE
Dark matrix and coloured clasts. Perhaps it’s, um ... carbonaceous chrondite. Mr Hicksville?
ERNEST
Yes! Clever girl, Georgie. How did you know?
GEORGIE smiles.
ERNEST
Amino acids. Not life as such. But the building blocks of life. We’ll keep that one.
GEORGIE
Okaaay. What about these ... Pallasites?
ERNEST
Beautiful . . .
GEORGIE
And rare. Twelve bucks a gram?
ERNEST
Hmm. Maybe we should have a sale.
GEORGIE
Everything in the shop is already at “rock-bottom” prices.
ERNEST
And who’s buying?
GEORGIE
Someone looked at the website on Tuesday.
ERNEST
Really?
GEORGIE
Last Tuesday.
ERNEST
Nobody’s interested in space rocks any more.
GEORGIE
I am.
ERNEST
You’re sweet. But let’s say half-price on the pallasites, OK?
GEORGIE
OK
ERNEST
(excited)
Now, this one is four point five billion years old. Maybe the oldest object on earth!
Enter THERESA with the TEA TRAY.
THERESA
So maybe it can wait?
ERNEST
Uh?
THERESA
Until after breakfast?
ERNEST
Oh. Sorry dear.
Georgie separates rocks and breakfast.
ERNEST
It's just the rent is due and sales have been ...
GEORGIE
Between a rock and a hard place.
THERESA
That's all going to change.
Adam's gonna start in the shop today.
GEORGIE
Great!
ERNEST
(skeptical)
How is he?
THERESA
Still a little mixed-up I’m afraid.
ERNEST
Well he should unmix himself, if he wants to live at 2001 Meteoric Rise. Our business is “space-rock retailing”, not ... “spa”.
THERESA
Ernest!
ERNEST
Neil Armstrong didn’t laze around in bed all day then suddenly wake up on the moon you know. He had a plan. Goals.
GEORGIE
And a rocket.
ERNEST
Adam should consider the future. Make some money. Maybe get a girlfriend?
GEORGIE
Such as whom, round here?
ERNEST
Someone down-to-earth, like my Theresa.
GEORGIE
Oh
THERESA
Thank you Ernest.
THERESA examines Adam's TEA-CUP.
THERESA (CONT'D)
According to his tea-leaves, he will go on a long mysterious journey.
GEORGIE
Cool. Where? It’s the World Science Fair in Kuala Lumpar this year, and I was thinking . . .
ERNEST
Forget it. We need you here.
GEORGIE
But if Adam works out OK?
THERESA
Maybe dear. We’ll see.
Enter ADAM wearing the DUNGAREES.
ADAM
Morning all!
ERNEST
Good mornin’ Adam. Nice britches!
ADAM
Er, thank you Uncle Ernest.
THERESA
Adam, meet Georgie. Our intern.
ADAM
Hi.
GEORGIE jumps up and shakes ADAM’s hand enthusiastically.
GEORGIE
Hi!
THERESA
We found her through the Hicksville Youth Employment Program.
GEORGIE
Turns out I’m the only youth in Hicksville. And this is the only job. Cool huh?
THERESA offers a BOWL to ADAM.
THERESA
Grits?
ADAM
Er, no thanks. I’m ... not hungry.
THERESA
Meh. That’s what you said yesterday, You gotta eat!
ERNEST
Too excited for the grand tour I expect.
And what about that marketing idea we talked about?
Adam produces a SMART PHONE and NOTE CARDS.
ADAM
I thought we could combine both, with a promotional video?
GEORGIE
Yes!
THERESA
Jeepers
ERNEST
OK. Then let’s get started shall we? There’s a wind blowin’ up, and I want to catch the mail.
Ernest takes the CARDS and adjusts his appearance.
Adam starts recording.
#3 HICKSVILLE ROCKS
ADAM
Action!
ERNEST
(to camera, reading from cards)
IF YOU’RE EVER IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
DROP IN. PERUSE OUR STOCKS.
FOR YOUR OWN PET PIECE OF THE UNIVERSE
WITH A NAME-TAG, IN A BOX
BANG NEXT TO AREA 51
MILE SIXTY, PAST BOONDOCKS
HANG A LEFT BY THE ROSWELL EXIT
AND GET YOUR ASS DOWN ...
ADAM gestures. The shop SIGN is revealed . . .
CHORUS
TO HICKSVILLE ROCKS!
They enter . . .
DAY – STORE
SHELVES loaded with SPACE ROCKS of all shapes sizes and colours, a LARGE MAP on the wall, two DESKS with COMPUTERS and HEADSETS.
Signs on the wall say “We Dig Space Rocks”, “Treasures from Space” , “Museum Quality”, “Do drop in”, “Everything must go”, etc
CHORUS (CONT'D)
OOH OOH OOH OOH HICKSVILLE ROCKS
OOH OOH WOO HOO
THERESA packs a ROCK in a BOX.
THERESA
FILL YOUR TRUNKS WITH METEOR CHUNKS
FRESH IN FROM OUTER SPACE
Slaps a BOW on the BOX.
THERESA (CONT'D)
FOR A GIFT WITH REAL IMPACT
TO PUT A SMILE ON ANY FACE
GEORGIE scans rocks with a HANDHELD SCANNER.
GEORGIE
THOUGH VISUALLY STRANGE,
THE MAGNETIC RANGE IS UNQUESTIONABLY ATTRACTIVE
She finds a curious sample.
GEORGIE (CONT'D)
OR WHY NOT BESTOW THE HOMELY GLOW
OF SOMETHING RADIO-ACTIVE?
CHORUS
OOH OOH OOH HOO HICKSVILLE ROCKS
OOH OOH WOO HOO
GO HICKSVILLE!
THERESA
VIBRATING COSMIC FRAGMENTS,
SOME WITH HEALING POWERS
She puts on a PHONE HEADSET
THERESA (CONT'D)
IF IT'S URGENT, I'M CRYSTAL, CALL ME
FOR SPECIAL SERVICE, AFTER HOURS
GEORGIE
LAVA LUMPS, CLEAN AND DIRTY
BOULDERS, PEBBLES, BRICKS
THERESA
CALL ME BEFORE FIVE-THIRTY
I'LL GET YOUR ROCKS OFF BY SIX!
CHORUS
OOH OOH OOH HICKSVILLE ROCKS
OOH OOH WOO HOO HICKSVILLE ROCKS
OOH OOH OOH HICKSVILLE ROCKS
OOH OOH WOO HOO WOO HOO HICKSVILLE ROCKS!
ERNEST
(Reading)
Prices are coming down down down all this week at www.HicksvilleRocks.com. Follow us on Twitter at Hicksville Rocks, like us on Facebook, and subscribe to our Youtube Channel, “Rocks Box”!
MAJOR DON
(Off)
Knock Knocks! Hicksville Rocks!
THERESA
Ooh. A customer!
Enter MAJOR DON in MEXICAN ARMY UNIFORM.
MAJOR DON
A major customer! Hola sky-watchers!
THERESA
Major Don.
ERNEST
(nervous)
Ahhh
MAJOR DON
And you must be ADAM?
ADAM
Hello.
MAJOR DON
Bienvenido! I made you . . . .
MAJOR DON produces a FOIL-WRAPPED PACKET.
MAJOR DON (CONT'D)
... a Brunch Burrito!
MAJOR DON gives the FOIL-WRAPPED PACKAGE to ADAM.
ADAM
Er, gracias.
MAJOR DON
De nada. I love to cook!
MAJOR DON produces PAPER DOCUMENTATION from his OTHER POCKET and discreetly offers it to ERNEST.
And, for you, Ernesto, ... Export Permits. Get ‘em while they’re hot. Got the money?
ERNEST
(awkward)
Ah ... Sorry Don. not yet. It’s been difficult.
MAJOR DON
Difficult? No. Obtaining permits. That’s difficult.
And operating without them, for you, very difficult, I think. So ...
ERNEST
How about a nice specimen?
GEORGIE offers MAJOR DON a ROCK.
GEORGIE
For your collection.
MAJOR DON
Hmm. Pretty, but ...
THERESA
Please Don. We’re desperate.
MAJOR DON
(conspiratorially)
Maybe something more scientifically interesting?
ERNEST
(puzzled)
Such as?
Major Don gathers himself.
MAJOR DON
Hicksville Rocks, we have a problem. I love you all. But your low rent and permits here, do not fall from the sky. I’ve been double-dipping an old budget for secret research – the “Dos-Equis” files – since 1993. And now I’m being audited ... by the Mexican Pentagon.
THERESA
The Mexican Pentagon?!
GEORGIE
The Mexican Pentagon?!
MAJOR DON
It’s OK. I cooked the books. Told them we found something.
ERNEST
Who did?
MAJOR DON
You did! I tried to tell them the truth was still "out there", but ... they want concrete results.
ERNEST
Concrete from space?
MAJOR DON
A clue. I’m not saying aliens, but ... Have you heard the theory that all life on earth may have originated from bacteria on a meteorite?
ERNEST
Panspermia.
THERESA
Eew
MAJOR DON
(knowingly)
That ... would be interesting.
GEORGIE
You want us to fake an organism.
THERESA
Georgie!
MAJOR DON
DNA. Just a bit of this, a bit of that. Enough to get the funding.
ERNEST
Sounds risky.
#4 MEX IT UP
MAJOR DON
DONT BE AFRAID OF WHAT I’M SAYIN’
COS I’M A BONA FIDE MAJOR DON
I EARNED MY STRIPES IN THE KITCHEN
OF THE MEXICAN PENTAGON
WHEN MEN IN BLACK ARE BENT ON FACTS
THERE'S NO TIME TO PLAY IT STRAIGHT
USE COMMON SENSE, INVENT, RELAX.
I’LL HELP YOU TO CREATE
A TEAM NEEDS A CAPTAIN
A FAMILY NEEDS A FATHER
A KITCHEN NEEDS A CHEF
OR THERE'S NO ENCHILADA
CHORUS
AH AH MEX IT UP
MAJOR DON
WANNA KEEP YOUR PLACE? WHATCHA GONNA DO?
CHORUS
AH AH MEX IT UP.
IT’S THE ONLY WAY I (HE) CAN SAVE YOU
AH AH MEX IT UP.
MAJOR DON
IF YOU WANNA STAY, WHATCHA GONNA DO?
CHORUS
AH AH – MEX IT UP!
MAJOR DON laughs.
ERNEST
Make it up?
MAJOR DON
Hmm ...
THERESA
Mix it up?
MAJOR DON
Sí.
GEORGIE
Sex it up?
MAJOR DON
Claro.
ADAM
Mex it up!
MAJOR DON
Exacto!
CHORUS
Venga!
MAJOR DON
YOU FIND ME THE MEAT
YOU, A LITTLE CHEESE
YOU, THE SPICY DETAILS
I CAN WRAP AROUND WITH THESE
SIMPLE INGREDIENTS
SKILLFULLY COMBINED
WHEN I TURN UP THE HEAT
IN THE GRILL OF MY MIND
AY AY AY!
CHORUS
QUE SERA DEPENDE
EN PLEGABILIDAD, COMPRENDE?
MAJOR DON
THE MOST HALF-BAKED CONCOCTION EVER SOLD
CHORUS
LIKE A GRINGO’S BURRITO
MAJOR DON
MUST NOW UNFOLD
CHORUS
AH – AH – MEX IT UP
MAJOR DON
IF YOU WANNA STAY
CHORUS
WHATCHA GONNA DO?
AH – AH – MEX IT UP
IT’S THE ONLY WAY I(HE) CAN SAVE YOU
CHORUS (CONT'D)
AH – AH – MEX IT UP
YOU WANNA KEEP YOUR PLACE?
WHATCHA GONNA DO?
AH – AH – MEX IT UP!
MAJOR DON
I have faith in you my friends. Scientific breakthrough by Friday, or get out of the kitchen. OK? DNA scanner arrives tomorrow. Go with God!
Exit MAJOR DON
BLACK
SCENE 4
NIGHT - DESERT
Sound: Breezes
Adam walks out, in a BATHROBE, checking his PHONE.
THERESA
(off)
Goodnight Adam. If you're hungry, there's some more chitlins on the stove!
ADAM
Er, OK, thanks Aunt Theresa.
THERESA
(off)
Don’t stay up too long. Bolt the door when you come.
ADAM
Sure. Thanks. Goodnight!
(checking phone)
Meanwhile, in the world.
(reading)
A cat who successfully predicted lottery numbers was given a whole salmon as a reward! That’s nice.
(scrolls)
Ate too much and died. Owner, Felicity Gorge, said she will miss her pet very much. It's nobody's fault, and everything happens for a reason.
That’s what Mum and Dad said.
(feeling cold)
Brrrrr.
He stretches. Notices a solitary star.
ADAM (CONT'D)
Doesn’t bother you, does it? Cold. Loneliness.
If you can shine on, I s’pose i should try.
#5 LITTLE STAR
Sound: Breezes.
ADAM
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, LITTLE STAR
THOUGH PALE AND DISTANT YOU ARE
FOR SHINING YOUR LIGHT TO ME
SO THAT I CAN SEE ... SO FAR
LUCKY STAR, IN THE HEAVENS
IF YOUR HEART CAN REACH THIS LIGHT-YEARS LENGTH
PLEASE BEAM INTO ME WHAT I’M MEANT TO BE
AND GIVE ME STRENGTH?
Transition to ...
EVENING – BEDROOM
ADAM enters his BEDROOM. The LITTLE STAR shines through the WINDOW.
ONE DAY I’LL FLY UP LIKE ... A FLY? THROUGH A WINDOW
I'LL SEE MY LIFE FROM HIGH ABOVE
ONE DAY I’LL LIE DOWN AT NIGHT, UNDERSTANDING
WHY YOU TRY TO FILL THE EMPTY SKY
WITH YOUR FLICKERING LIGHT OF LOVE
ADAM removes his BATHROBE and gets into bed.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, LITTLE STAR
SHINE ON, WHILE I SINK DEEP
INTO PLANET BED
LET FATE ROTATE AROUND ME WHILE I SLEEP
ADAM reaches up and pulls a CORD hanging over the bed. Lights out.
The STARS s-l-o-w-l-y move.